I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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