Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
