I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
