my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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