that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He did a backflip because drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
