are you still at the devil's house?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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