Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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