Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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