Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
