i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize