you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
pop tarts are not kleenex
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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