fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
