Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
