just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
