No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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