Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
