? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
