dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
