Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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