I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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