Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We just shotgunned beers for America
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
