So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
