bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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