It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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