no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
