You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
