do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Someone shattered a urinal.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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