dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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