Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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