I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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