I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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