Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
worst night to have a conscience
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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