dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
