Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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