now i know why i became what i already was.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
