so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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