3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
