Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
