if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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