Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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