I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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