Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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