Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
