Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this is an emotional support booty call
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
