Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize