my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
