Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
