Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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