trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm really busy with my period
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