chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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