he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize