The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
