hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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