talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
