Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
