I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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