i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
