I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have fence marks all over my body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
