We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
