look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize