This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
