yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
