AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize