yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
