...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
