I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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