I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
