the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
