She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
