I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
