you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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