and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
