when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
