At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
