I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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