I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
