were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
