Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
