This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
