this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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