I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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