I must be too annoying 4 u.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
