We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
