A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
