Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
