Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
