why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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